The thrill of a phone call is almost gone
As telephone tech advances, its use becomes increasingly unappreciated
I have never stopped loving the ring of a telephone.
When I hear it, unlike some folks, my expectations don't automatically jump to pleas for political donations or attempts to sell me extended warranties. My heart leaps with the anticipation that someone might tell me something good.
“Your tests came back negative.” “Here’s the answer to your question.” “I’m still alive, and back in town.” “My daughter got out of the hospital.” “I still love you.”
I don’t always get calls that uplifting, but sometimes I do. Surprisingly often, actually.
It seems to happen more now than when I could only answer a phone at work or home. I feel fortunate that I might connect with another person at any time – and if that person is one of my brilliant friends or acquaintances, how great is that? I get to talk to a genius today!
But it’s changing. Many of us don’t even answer that ring, and may not return voice mails. Some of us have outgoing messages that encourage callers to stop calling, and text or email instead.
Mahdi Bafande photo
For many people – most? – being readily available for verbal interaction has now become too much. It’s an assault on peace of mind.
I find that odd. Now that there is texting and email and Facebook Messenger and Twitter DMs and WhatsApp we must be getting fewer phone calls than we would otherwise. So how onerous could they be?
And many callers generally seem increasingly polite and apologetic about the amount of our time they borrow when on the phone with us.
But many people still won’t talk on the same phone that they may otherwise be using a lot of the time. Walking down the street, they’re listening to music or podcasts. Waiting for a meeting to start, they’re not comparing notes. They're all in their own worlds.
And their worlds don’t include you. They’re more likely to feature musicians, comics, podcasters or influencers.
If they don’t like the music or the podcast or the YouTube video, they can press the “X” and be done with it. It’s not as easy with a phone call with a live person. They have to make an excuse, like having to do something else. Or a sore throat. Or a bad connection.
You would think that’d be easy, but not necessarily so. I’ve heard panic set in after my first few syllables. And I’m not that scary.
There are lots of reasons not to like the idea of a phone call. One: a caller may ask a question and maybe expect a reply In Real Time.
That’s no fun. No hours or days between texts to get around to looking up the answer.
Another reason a phone call may be dreaded is the possibility of conflict. Maybe it’s easier to dish out criticism and snark via text when no one is likely to bark back other than … by text.
So could the reason for shunning phone calls have less to do with privacy, quality of life or lack of time than plain old cowardice?
I prefer not to believe that.
This may be generational. It’s different, I’m sure, if you never lived through a period when a ringing phone was mysterious, giving no hint to the caller or his or her purpose. It could mean grandpa planned to visit or that grandpa would never be visiting again. Susan might have an extra ticket for you or Sam might have fallen asleep and forgotten to buy any tickets at all.
Those types of messages – with the possible exception of Dead Grandpa – have become the province of texts. Like everything else. There is rarely the delight of the audible challenge, “You’ll never guess what happened.”
It’s superfluous. You may already know what happened, because of somebody else’s text. Maybe a group text, so everybody concerned already knows.
There’s another possibility. Our spare time has become wrapped up in our phones, cuddling with them when we’re on public transportation or at lunch or at a ballgame or restaurant. Instead of being one with our environment, we’re often taking part in impersonal or even meaningless communication.
Maybe we talk on the phone less because we don’t have much to talk about.